"Pretty girls are really depressed. Like all the time. It’s a strange phenomenon and we must start giving it as much attention as humanly possible. PEOPLE ARE IGNORING THE SAD PRETTY GIRL EPIDEMIC AND IT MUST END NOW. Oh, how will we ever make them happier though? We don’t even know why they’re depressed in the first place. We just understand that they like to lie in bathtubs (even when it’s their wedding day), wear flowing dresses, and sleep on the grass, in the shower, or on a football field. It’s truly terrifying."